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flying_casually

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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2008|01:46 am]
flying_casually
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fuck. [Sep. 22nd, 2008|11:55 pm]
flying_casually
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |The Crickets, not like Buddy Holly's crickets, just the crickets outside.]

My brother was assaulted at the rehab facility he in right now. I am so pissed off right now because I can't just call him up and talk to him. I also feel sick to my stomach right now thinking about something that I don't even know if it is happening or not, but there are signs pointing to YES right now. So, trying not to concentrate on that, hopefully I'll know tomorrow.

In more positive news, I am medicated for my ADD now, and it is doing great wonderful things for my concentration. I sat down at the piano the other day and did what would have taken me weeks in just a couple hours, it was awesome. So, I am hoping that this keeps up.

Continuing to write music, entering a song writing competition next year, must get into a recording studio soon, I think my parents are going to pay for me to get studio time as a christmas gift, so that might be cool, also applying for the John Lennon scholarship, I want to quit school and work on song writing all the time, Abby and I have had some good stuff come out of playing music together, Tropic Thunder was amazing, I need to start giging.
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crazy cool weekend [Sep. 2nd, 2008|01:47 am]
flying_casually
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |MGMT-Kids]

So, I went to James Madison and spent saturday and sunday there. It was a lot of fun, I met some really cool people, and spent a lot of time with Abby. Abby is so cool I don't know where to begin. She is incredibly talented, and she likes great music and movies. She is also confident, which I find to be extremely attractive. She is also has a positive attitude about things, which is a great breath of fresh air. The first night I was there I was just hanging out with her friends watching Flight of the Concords, drinking beer, and talking about Radiohead with this really cool guy. The second day I was there Abby showed me around campus, and I checked out the music building and stuff, nothing great to say about it, other than it was much bigger than Shepherd. That night we showed each other music and talked about our life stories, it was pretty nice. I really hope she and I get the chance to make some music together because I feel like we're on the same page about a lot of things. She also has an incredible voice, and its unique, not just a rip off of all the current singer songwriter ladies that are popular. So that was a really nice 32 hours or so. Tonight, I practiced, and then Jason and I went and bought a bunch of beer, and a bunch of us had a good time with that. It has just been a really great month or so, and it just seems to get better and better. I can't wait to see what the next few months have in store for me.
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stuff. [Aug. 13th, 2008|08:02 pm]
flying_casually
[mood |chipperchipper]

So much has been going down. Where to begin? Well, I am enjoying the single life, still miss Emily, but as each day goes by I am more and more okay with that being over. I met with Jen the other night, and had a really great time with her. We just met at Starbucks at like 6pm, and like three and half hours later they had to ask us to leave because they were trying to close. We just talked the entire time, not a moment of silence really. We just talked about our lives, what we want to do, what we are doing, music we like, you know all that crap. I was really surprised at how good a time it was talking to Jen, because in high school she just seemed kind of boring. I was most surprised by her excellent taste in music, I guess I assumed she liked country because she is such good friends with, well, a bunch of girls from mt. Airy that love country music, but she threw out band names that I would have never expected. So it was a really nice time, and we're probably gonna hang out again, but, I actually am just not interested in her romantically, but it is nice to find a new friend in someone I already knew. I just hope she isn't like, interested in me like that. She sent me text messages the next day about things we had talked about the previous evening and stuff, and before we said good bye, she was all like, "I just really love hanging out with you!" But that doesn't probably mean anything.

Hung out with Caroline today, got some food and watched a movie over at my house. Now there is a girl that I could be interested in, she is cool as shit. And of course she has a BF, which is really fine considering a relationship would be a terrrible idea for me right now. But her BF is such a tool, and Caroline should look for something better. Anyhow, caroline was telling me about her hot cousin I should talk to when I go to my friend Jon and Katie's wedding next month.

Had some words with Emily about stuff recently. She had the ability to make me feel much better, AND worse about the end of our relationship at the same time. I could go into a lot of stupid details about it, but I won't. The bottom line is, it was nice while it lasted, which was really only about half the time or less that we were actually together. And much of what we did together didn't mean a damn thing. Not all of it, I know that some of it was genuine, and I have no regrets. I'll always love that girl.

And my parents are fucking morons.
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It was a nice evening. [Aug. 7th, 2008|01:44 am]
flying_casually
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |Small Sins-I Need a Friend]

SO.
Tonight I went to Germantown and saw the Pineapple Express with Katie, and it was pretty much awesome. We got some half decent mexican food at Chevy's, I had never been there before, and we had this really overly nice waitress that checked on us like a thousand times before I even got taste my food. And Katie was trying to order a drink and the waitress explained every drink on the menu in detail. But it was a nice meal, and I enjoyed talking to Katie about stuff, thankfully there weren't many awkward silences. Our movie was at 10, and we were done eating at like 8:30, and so we got to the movie theater bought our tickets, and there was a bar right across the street, so Katie let me buy her a drink, I asked for her to go in ahead of me so I could pretend like I didn't know her and ask to buy her a drink in hopes of impressing potential female bar tenders, needless to say, Katie refused. Oh, and it was LADIES NIGHT, so her drinks were cheap, and mine were expensive. A couple drinks later, we found seats for the movie, and I was SO EXCITED about the movie, I've been to the official web site like a million times, and I made sure Katie and I were the first people in there to get the best seats, and we did. The movie was so great. It really captured the feelings, thinking processes, and actions of avid pot smokers better than any movie I have seen. And for that reason, I am glad that I rarely smoke pot anymore. I was talking about this with Jeff last night too, ironically we were smoking pot though. But yeah, it definitely made me glad I am no pothead anymore. So the movie was great, and Katie liked it too, so, everyone should go see it.

It was just a good night, spent with a good friend, I needed that.
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My day, My Thoughts. [Aug. 5th, 2008|09:18 pm]
flying_casually
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Wilco-Radio Cure]

I was up till 5AM last night making a short film with Josh. It was awesome. We both came up with the idea, and he directed, and I was the STAR, and it will be finished once I write some music for it, because it is silent. I'll let ch'all know when it is up on the youtubes or what not. I saw Jane, my therapist today for the first time in forever. It was really good, I had so much to talk about, she hardly said a word. So that was good. I also taught my Shepherdstown kids tonight, and that is always my favorite hour and a half of any given week. Then I took a much needed nap. Going to hang out with Jeff Birdsall tonight, that should be good, since we were best friends in High School, I mean, we were inseparable back in the day. Jeff, Sean, and Thom, the three of us hung out non stop for a while, and then it just became Sean and Jeff, until it was the three of us by ourselves. So, I'm looking forward to that. He asked if I wanted to go to pitcher night at Tony's, and I was just like... "Um, maybe we should go on a different night." He was cool with that.

I'm feeling okay, a lot more okay than I thought I would. But still, a couple times today, I felt sick in my stomach thinking about the days to come, which will turn into weeks, and then months and so on. I need focus on me, and me, and me right now, and I've been doing far better than I had imagined I would, it just creeps into my mind occasionally, and pins me to the the floor. I'll get lost in a daze for a moment, I transport myself into past moments and revise my words and actions to see if things would have turned out any different, the problem with that is, it is always going to turn out the way you want it to in your mind, but the facts are the facts, and what is done is done, and you can't change that, and more importantly you can't change the way someone feels. God knows how long I would have gone, waiting, and waiting, until something changed. I get lost in a daze thinking about moments in the future, thinking about what I will do, how I will feel, and what I will say when these moments come, but I can think about that all I want too, and nothing will prepare me for it. That is the worst part about all of this, the idle time I have to think about this stuff, the idle time where I wait for it to happen. It scares the hell out me quite frankly.
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(no subject) [Aug. 4th, 2008|11:53 am]
flying_casually
[mood |angryangry]

God dman it I'm angry right now, and I don't want to post anything about it up here! I just fucking hate when people twist shit around and make you look like a bad guy.
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Tonight [Aug. 3rd, 2008|02:38 am]
flying_casually
[mood |confusedconfused]

So, today, Emily and I finally broke up, which really happened months ago. She was protecting me by continuing a relationship she had no desire to be in, and I appreciate the intentions, but it just wasn't fair to either of us. So, I brought it up, and she said, "yeah pretty much" and that was that. It hurts yes, don't get me wrong, but at least it has been so long since she would have even let me kiss her good bye that the detachment phase is already well underway. But, still, it hurts to love someone that much, and not get it back. But, I will get through it, and hopefully it won't be like high school again, where I just go two years without hardly talking to a girl, and then in an attempt to prove to myself that I am over Emily I will date the first girl that shows any remote interest in me. I am older now, and more mature, so I am sure I wouldn't let that happen. Everyone tells me that I am better off, and that it was just negative for me to be with Emily, and I just want them to all shut the fuck up. I agree that She rarely said nice things to me, and what ever I did for her was never enough, but I didn't care, because there were times with Emily that this beautiful person would come out of her, that was so funny and smart, and everything she said was what I was thinking, and I couldn't let go of that, I can't let go of that. I just can't not love Emily. Since the fucking 9th grade I have loved her. What the hell is wrong with me? Any way, I could babble on and on about it, but I'm sure no one really cares that much. Bottom line: It hurts, I'll get better...but probably not as soon as I'd like. Time takes time you know.

Tonight I got ass drunk at Tony's with Gordon, Ryan, Jessica, and Brian. It was pretty fun I guess. We just sat up stairs and got drunk drinking ultra light beer that really sucked. Eventually, we got drunk enough to venture down stairs, and then it got really stupid. I just stood and watched all these greasy looking redneck guys walk up to girls and start grinding on them. And then the girl would be all into it and shit, and I was just like, "This is what I have to do to meet girls at bars?" This one girl came up to me and was like, "WHY AREN'T YOU DANCING?!" And I just said, "I might hurt myself." I suppose that maybe she was trying to get me to dance so she could dance with me? I doubt it. No one was there that I knew besides the people I came with, so we just kind of sat back and did some people watching for a while. I've come to the conclusion that if I ever wanted to meet a girl in a place like tony's, I would need to start wearing more polo shirts, get one or both of my ears pierced, get super stupid drunk, and to the beat of a song shamelessly rub myself all over a girl while letting my hands wander all over her body, that tactic really seemed to be working for a ton of guys last night. Like I would ever do that shit.

I fell asleep before I posted this, haha. I woke up with my computer next to me, and all the lights in my room were on. haha. So, I'll end with this... I couldn't be more excited about seeing the Pineapple Express this week. It will be awesome.
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2008|12:20 am]
flying_casually
[music |Jonas, John, and Alex rehearsing "The Good bye Girl"]

I hate it in movies when you can predict the ending before it happens.
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36 hours [Jul. 28th, 2008|01:53 pm]
flying_casually
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Small Sins]

It has been about 36 hours with out a cigarette, and to be quite honest, I would love to smoke 10 in a row, right now. But its not as bad as I thought it would be. This all happened by accident too. I ran out of cigarettes, studied like all day yesterday, then I noticed I hadn't been smoking, and I don't have any money to buy cigarettes. So the real test will be when I have money, if I will go buy some or not. Given my current track record I will fail, but I'm repeating stupid mantra after stupid mantra, "You do not need, you want." shit like that. Chewing on things, I'm really trying this time. Anyway I'm falling asleep as I type this.
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